Hot Salamander Love

Hey! I am posting Dweebert's latest blog entry here, because he doesn't have a blog of his own.

There is an obvious question going begging here: Why would someone write and post a blog entry when he don't even have a blog?

However, in an attempt to present all sides fairly, I provide him space here in my universe.

Rebuttle To All Things Said By Vance As Well As To Things He Didn't Say But Would Have If He'd Thought Of Them*

By Vance's smarter brother, Dweebert**

No truer words were ever spoken: "Don't believe anything Vance says.***" These immortal words were spoken simultaneously by Ernest Hemingway and Albert Einstein while having Absinthe together on the planet Jupiter in 1955. That also happens to be the year I was born (making me 38 years old -- Holy Moley! How time flies!). Vance was nothing more than a small pink wailing blot then and didn't even own a real toolbox, so why these two famous people were talking about him is a mystery.

I will admit that Vance gets more "physical" work done when we go up to the cabin together. I explained this in my earlier diatribe. But it goes beyond that. Plain and simple, Vance is the physical type. He doesn't have much upstairs, but he's built like a linebacker and swings a wrecking bar like itwas a pencil. (I swing a pencil like it was a wrecking bar.) Vance can pump his bicycle up a 82 degree hill like it was a 28 degree hill. He can carry twenty eight 12-foot 2x4s under one arm for six miles without working up a sweat. And he can work from sun up to sunset without taking a break. I once asked him how he could do this and he said, "Huh?"

I, on the other hand, am the "intellectual" type and spend my time thinking. I spend many hours planning, plotting, designing, and inventing. The only time I don't do this is when I'm drinking red wine and thinking about nekkid wimmen. Needless to say, the majority of the hours are spent on this latter occupation. This is because I am a Normal, Well-Adjusted Male.

I also think about food. To sustain a healthy relationship with manual labor one must be fortified with good food. So, while Vance is hammering, sawing, and plumbing, I'm thinking about what's for dinner. On rare occasions, I even cook something.

Vance made the comment that I'm interested in Boy Bands. I had to look this up because--used to listening only to intellectual music and not to mainstream garbage--I didn't know what a Boy Band was. My first thought was "The Beatles"(who I believe were boys) and "The Animals" (also boys) and perhaps "TheYardbirds" (more boys). But Wikipedia mentions such bands as "New Kids on the Block" and "The Backstreet Boys". I have never listened to these bands. This is primarily because I am mired in the 1950s and 60s.

If you mention TV shows, I think of "Leave It To Beaver." If you mention science fiction movies I think of"Forbidden Planet" and "Rocketship XM". Sometimes I force Vance to watch these movies so he will stop talking about Southpark. It doesn't work, but I keep trying. What can you expect from a man who idolizes Pee Wee Herman**** and likes to watch mommy and daddy newts make baby newts?*****

So, driving four hours up to the cabin means having to listen to Vance say "I wanna get up there. I wanna work. Why is there so much traffic? Which do you like more, orange newts or yellow newts******? I hope I didn't forget to bring the Wisky! Do you think we'll see any magpies? When are we gonna get there? Did you see that Southpark episode where Cartman..." etc. He hasn't yet realized that I now wear silicon earplugs so I can barely hear him. It just sounds like "mmmmmmmm mmmm Southpark mmmmm mm mmmm Southpark."

That's all I have time for. I have to sit down with a bottle of red red wine and think about varnishing the shelves for the bathroom closet. I have to think about buying more insulation. I have to concoct a recipe for Civet de Lapin auPommes Puree. And, of course, I have to think about Anne Francis in a bikini.

*I did think of 'em, I just didn't SAY 'em.

**Tih.

***What is Truth? Fiction represents Truth. Does something have to have happened in fact to
be True-ish?

****OBVIOUSLY, I do not idolize Peewee Herman. I idolize Peewee's pal, Vance the Pig.

*****Salamanders.

******Refer to *****.

* * * * * *

OK! Who can blame him for that? I had to take a moment or two to relieve that Anne Francis chubbie, too.

So, thanks for your perspective on that other stuff, Dweebert! I guess you told me a thing or two. (heh.) Those of you out there in my vast readership whose edges are honed even a little bit will recognize the need to take a grain or two of salt with that mess.

The same ones will note before I point it out that he Didn't Even Deny being a poofy wanker, which was the Whole Point of my last post! God!