Rats. One of my favoritist stories has just been debunked. This may have devastating effects and affects and possible repercussions that can’t even be predicted yet, much less known. ‘N stuff.
It seems that around the turn of the 19th century, a journalist was being escorted around a geo-thermically active area of Mt. Lassen. He walked out onto a lava bed, and fell through the thin crust into the red hot magma in a red hot second, to be instantly vaporized. I envision a scene something like Gollum’s fall into the lake of fire within Mt. Doom, only quicker. Bein’s his name was Bumpass, the area was named Bumpass Hell, and retains the aptly descriptive name today.
ONLY IT ISN'T TRUE. But, the best part is. His name was really Bumpass.
Here’s the real version from Wikipedia, the font of all knowledge, even if it isn’t accurate:
“It is named after Kendall Vanbook Bumpass, a cowboy who worked in the Lassen area in the 1860’s. One day, Bumpass stumbled upon the area and his leg was badly scalded when it broke though a thin crust above a mud pot. He told his friends and the townspeople about it, describing it as "hell." A newspaper editor was interested in the story and convinced Bumpass to take him to this place. Unfortunately, Bumpass' leg broke through the crust again - this time it had to be amputated. After the amputation the reporter decided to convert to Christianity because he didn't want to end up in hell.*”
There were several versions of this story contained in various websites, but I chose this one to be the True Story because of the ironical circumstance of Bumpass falling in the mud pot twice and getting his leg amputated. What a dope. Imagine how cheesed at himself he must have been! Other versions of the story only have him falling in once, and merely being Scarred for Life. Pitiful, as far as stories go, IMO.
However, while the falling-in-twice version is an improvement on the falling-in-once story, neither are as awe inspiring as the scene describing Mr. Bumpass pitching through the lava crust and being swallowed up whole by the magma below, ala Gollum. Nomesayin’? Truth can be so disappointing…..
This reminds me of a guy I knew when I was in high school. He was a contemporary of my older brother, Michael, that is, a senior when I was a freshman. Now, this particular guy was a sort of a West Side Story character, since he was a hood who was a modern dancer. I know! Jach is already shaking his head in disbelief. He’s such a skeptic. He always wore a black leather jacket (not Jach), and rode a motorcycle. It was a Triumph, as I recall.
One night, after a dance performance thingy, he crashed his bike and his leg was amputated. Like with the Bumpass story, only different, there was an ironical twist of fate, bein’s as he was a modern dancer, and losing his leg, and all,** which makes the story more interesting. But wait! The ironic-ness is just beginning, and it's just like Bumpass!
He took up motorcycles again after getting a wooden leg (a Harley this time), and lost control of the bike when his wooden leg started flapping around in the wind. He crashed and lost more of the same leg. What a dope. We don’t have to speculate if this guy was heavily cheesed off at himself, as I know for a fact he was.
This kind of stuff weighs heavily on my mind these days. Not so much amputations and fiery laval deaths, or bein' cheesed, but what makes a good story?
Truth?
I think not. True-ishness is what makes a story true, not necessarily good. Or informative, life-altering, instructional, or even amusing. I say truth is an impediment to the story and should be disregarded for the most part. Skeptics like Jach are always concerned with whether some enlightening tale I’ve just unfurled is true. Tih. But was it a good story? Did it project the crystalline beam of Truth on The Human Condition?
Did it have anything to do with farts?****
*Surprisingly, I have no comment about this tit-bit*** of information.
**BTW, this was before Dancing with the Stars, and before Heather Mills showed the world
what could be done dancing-wise with one leg.
***I tried to use tid-bit, but the word processor claims this is improper. It insists on tit! OK by me!
****Sayandie will tell you this is an indispensable ingredient to a good story.
2 comments:
This comment was left by Jach the UnBeliever about my last post: "...I just read [your last post], [which] pisses me off. Now I feel compelled, in the name of honesty and forthrightness and all that (I am an officer of the court, after all, and contrary to popular misconception, do have ethics), to send an email to almost everyone I know to correct to the false version of the Bumpass Hell story I have been spreading for years. Thanks to you. You wonder why I don't believe most of what you say. At least you left out the most unbelievable part of the story about your friend - his name. Harley Hicks - right!"
I, too, am compelled to point out in the name of blah blah blah, that there are two problems with JtUB's comments.
1: I did not tell the story of Bumpass Hell to Jach. Jach told the Bumpass story to me, after visiting Mt. Lassen. I am the victim here.
2: The motorcycle story wasn't about Harley Hicks. Jach has always resented HH, and takes any opportunity to slam him.
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