Everyone will agree that Paris doesn’t get enough ink. So, in the tiniest effort to help rectify that, here’s my take on the whole Paris thingy.
Paris seems to be a self-promotion genius-type stupid skanky who-er.
Now, on to interesting stuff.
How about those pesky apostrophes? People are confused about when to use them and when to just say, “NO!”.
The thing is, is: you only use them to show possession or to show a word has been contracted.
THAT’S IT.
Some of you smarty-pants types will argue there’s a third usage, but it is no longer relevant. So shut your pie holes!
Modern English does not allow the use of such abominations as this:
I bought many CD’s in the 1990’s.
FALSE!
Or this:
I already gave the cat it’s food.
WRONG!
But wait, Vance! Doesn’t that it's show possession?
Yes, but the possessive pronouns don’t use apostrophes! You don’t write hi’s when you mean his, or her’s when you mean hers, do you? Same for its. It’s means it + is or it + has and such.
Let’s push things forward.
Mango’s and cherry’s are the best fruit.
AARRGH!
So, if you don’t want to be thought of as a stupid skanky who-er, self-promotion genius type or otherwise, use those apostrophes correctly, OK?
4 comments:
Apostrophe abuse make's me apeshit. Alway's has. P
Well, thank's again, P'niss! You're astute comments are always appreciated!
But, I thought it was self abuse that made you apeshit....
Anyways, how 'bout compiling a new list? Maybe a Top 5 Stupid, Skanky Who-ers? Or Self-promotion geniuses?
Dear Mr. Vance,
You should not say vile things about our client. It is rude.
It is also going to cost you if you don't desist. We could sue you for defim depha difama saying rude stuff about our client like you did in this post.
Knock it off or else! Do not quote us, either, or you'll be sorry!
Dweebert and Dweebert, Famous Lawyers in Beverly Hills, CA
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the firm of Dweebert and Dweebert for defending my honor, but I realize that what's left of my on her has already been off her'ed. How's that for some apostrophe abuse? Anyway, no need for apologie's, Vance. As Dweebert knows, truth is an airtight defense to charges of libelous' slandering. I'll work on that list. P
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