Was this a dream? You're never going to believe this!
How could something like this happen to an insignificant blogger like me? How could the merest, teeniest speck in the blogosphere like What Do You Mean, Mace? have set off such a fire-storm of controversy?
I got a warning from some lawyers. They say I can't say stuff like I posted in my last post, Paris Hilton: Self-Promotion Genius or Stupid, Skanky Who-er? I would post the text of the email, but the lawyers said I'd better not.
This is the gist:
Dear Mr. Vance:
You can't say stuff like that about our client in your blog. It's not nice. We could sue you if we want. You'd better not post the text of this email in your blog, either.
Signed,
A Bunch of Lawyers.
Dude! This is ridiculous! Why would there be all this fuss over What'sHerName?
But, I'm a bit confused. I shouldn't say which part? Stupid Skanky Who-er? Or Self-Promotion Genius? Maybe they meant lay off altogether?
But what about the first amendment? Can't I post whatever pops into my head in my own blog? Don't I have a right to express my thoughts and feeling? My hopes and dreams? My fears and fantasies? Can't I lie and make up stuff? Can't I belittle people and call them vile names with impunity just because I feel like it? I have rights, you know! I want my rights! I demand my rights!
Does this mean my upcoming blog post, Cher: Skanky Bee-otch with too Much Plastic Surgery or Goddess of the Gays? will have to be axed?
You'd better hope not.
I'm thinking "Twinkie Defense".
I'll keep you posted.
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3 comments:
Dear Members of My Vast Readership,
It turns out that it wasn't Paris Hilton's lawyers, after all. It was Dweebert acting in behalf of P'niss.
If you didn't know it, Dweebert is a fully ordained internet Minister of the Gospel and Lawyer.
Seems that crack about self-abuse is what P'niss considered offensive. But, I suspect that mere mention of the "Twinkie Defense" scared them off.
Even so, I will apologise for the low-down nature of that remark.
Sorry, P'niss!
Mr. Vance,
I didn't like anything you wrote in your last blog so I'm just gonna send you another Top 5 List. This is my Top Five Ideal Jobs:
1. Travel Book Writer (mostly just so's ((hee hee)) I can stay at the Paris Hilton).
2. Fry Cook at The Cow Butte Cafe.
3. Village Idiot in Carmel Village.
4. One I can't mention because innocent little children or sensitive old ladies might be reading this...
5. Sole rewriter of the American Constitution (adding a whole new article making it unlawful to own, drive, ride on, look at, or even start up a Harley Davidson or other loud motorcycle).
6. Anne Francis's's's personal toenail polish applier.
7. Designer of contraptions interesting to myself and others who might design stuff like what I want to design but that maybe they don't design them because they're too busy working as a fry cook at The Cow Butte Cafe and come home all happy from such a stimulating job that they can't think or talk about anything else.
8. Waiter at The Cow Butte Cafe so I could bring Anne Francis her Peach/Banana milk shake (if she ever happened to come into the cafe and actually ordered a Peach/Banana milk shake).
9. Uh... never mind.
10. Famous French Chef at some Famous French Restaurant where I would cook up a new special every day and name it after myself (or Anne Francis).
Dweebert (no relation to Dweebert & Dweebert, the law firm)
Hey Vance, how come you haven't written anything lately. I'm tired of rereading your last blog. How about writing some more about that interesting cabin of yours. I liked the stuff you wrote about what a wonky place it is. Let's have more of that.
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