Gone Completely Stark Raving Mad

Dear VR,

While most of you realize, creating a blog entry all the time, like, say, once evry cupla months, takes an enormous amount of comma's, apostrophe's, and other necessary punctuation mark's. I am not made of punctuation mark's, and can't afford to squander the amount necessary to give you your jollies willy-nilly.

As usual, Dweebert has totally misapprehended the issue and has demanded a guest writer spot. On MY blog. Here's his inexplicable attempt to "fill in".

As if.

Anyway's, here goe's.

Gone Completely Stark Raving Mad

The readership of Vance's BLOG (both of you) have probably been wondering why Vance hasn't written an installment since December. With great anticipation of reading yet another brilliant intellectual diatribe, you get onto the Internet, go to this webpage, only to find the same old crap.
Being one of the two readers of Vance's BLOG, I -- his brother Dweebert -- have been frustrated by this gap and decided to find out what's going on. Or not going on, rather.
(Again, he's totally off-base: if he's ONE of TWO, why is he addressing both of my readers? DOES HE WRITE TO HIMSELF? That makes a minimum of THREE, by my count. Ed)

Calling him and sending him emails has done no good. I was beginning to think he had fallen off the edge of the world when I got a call. It turns out that Vance has gone completely stark raving mad. He's a total loonie, gibbering and drooling, swaddled in a straitjacket, and eating only Gerber's Oatmeal and Bananas. I went to see him at the Narpingham Institute for the Incurably Insane. His hair is long and stringy, he has several month's growth of beard, and he does little but recite "The Raven" and passages from "The Ashley Book of Knots." The doctors say he's a hopeless case and asked if I would bring more Oatmeal and Bananas.

Like you, I wondered what could have put him around the bend. He was already close to the bend, but what, exactly, was it that made him turn that corner. Was it the enormous quantities of pork he eats? Was it his new job? Was it too much trying to get the best prices on yet another motherboard? Was it his unearthly experiments in the dead of night trying to infuse a bit of vermicelli with life? The truth is, I don't know.

Rather than try to puzzle out this difficult problem, I decided instead to work on a new Tiki cocktail recipe. I experimented for a couple of days and came up with the following:

Crazy Vance

Fill tall glass with ice, add1 oz coconut rum
1 oz light rum
1 oz coconut cream
2 oz unsweetened pineapple juice
Squeeze of fresh lime juice
Top off with Club Soda
Stir

Anyway, in closing, I hope Vance's readership doesn't give up hope. I mean, what do doctors know?

Dweebert