Kung-Fu Investing

This was written previous to the recent market rebound (during 11-06), and the impending crash I expect any day now.

(Sometime after May-2006)

My friend the CFO gave me some investment advice. Just to give a bit of background, I had a chunk of change languishing at Emigrant. It was bringing in a paltry 5%. This was guaranteed income, FDIC insured. Pah! Us Kung-Fu investors laugh up our sleeves at this kind of weener-dog investment strategy.

The CFO suggested some funds. I got in. The ride was like Slim Picken's atop the nuculer* bomb in Dr. Strangelove. Helpfully, the CFO tracked my downward spiral with graphs gleefully submitted periodically. Why he was so gleeful is a mystery. He had a lot more in there than I.

I have already apologized to individuals, but now that I have the ear of the world, I want to apologize to the masses. The Great Stock Market Crash of '99 was my fault. Sorry. I got in, the market imploded, end of that story.

We all have our war stories. I bought Cisco at about $1M per share, pissed that I missed the skyrocket. I figured I was buying a solid stock, since most everyone said it was. I held it until it rebounded to $11, and I bailed. My Apple stock, which no one advised me to buy, bought at $22-ish, plummeted along with the rest. I held onto it. There was some stupid mp3 player being introduced by Steve Jobs, but I was elated to break even, so I folded at $24. What is it now? $1M per share?

Now I've gone and caused this slump by re-entering the market. Sorry.

* Nuclear is now incorrect and ignorant. The word has been changed to the new official spellin' and pronounciantin' way, in order to affirm that The President is correct.